Hello and welcome back to ParentSounds. Whether you are receiving this as an email in your inbox, or reading it later on via our homepage, we're happy you're here!
In case you're new to ParentSounds, or missed any of the previous newsletters, be sure to get caught up on our first four issues here:
I want to start this week's edition by acknowledging that lately, the "bi-weekly” newsletter you're currently reading has become more of a "tri-weekly” publication. My hope is that in a newsletter dedicated to carving out time for creative pursuits amidst the organized chaos of being a young parent, some of you may not have even noticed that we haven't had a post up in a few weeks. With that said, two big parts of developing any creative pursuit are regularity and accountability, and to that end I am still working on finding the right rhythm for ParentSounds.
It might be that in the end we end up going tri-weekly for a while until I can settle into more of a groove — or at least until my younger son starts waking up a bit later, and my older daughter starts to emerge a bit more convincingly from the terrible twos. It feels insincere to send out one of these newsletters after a particularly tough day at home.
One other thing that might really help to improve my publishing schedule is to stop coming up with new, crazy ideas - like turning ParentSounds into a podcast. But it's too late for that now, so here we are.
Introducing the ParentSounds podcast
The idea started innocently enough.
Those of you who have read the ParentSounds About page already might know that in my spare time, I am a DJ, and you might also know that this is a hobby I only started last year.
For most of the parents I know who are DJs, it’s something from their old life. DJing is something from another world, something they used to do when they stayed out later and had fewer things to worry about. The pleasure they get from mixing music seems to come from tapping into that part of themselves.
For me, it’s totally different. I’ve always wanted to DJ, but I didn’t start until I already had a 1 year-old, with another one soon to be on the way. So I’m still in what I like to call the eager little puppy phase - of asking the stupid questions, and of learning about all the finer points of audio playback and sound management that most of my peers have known for a lot longer. It feels unconventional to be learning something like this at my age and in this phase of my life, but I’m completely addicted to it. And it’s something that makes me feel both happy and sane amidst everything else that I have to do every day. Along with this publication, being a DJ is one of my ParentSounds.
So when I went into the music store and bought a fancy audio recorder with features that the salesman definitely upsold me on, ostensibly with the purpose of recording the sets I play when I’m out, podcasting was literally the furthest thing from my mind.
But then when I was getting ready to do the next interview for ParentSounds, and record it for audio transcription, I noticed that my new fancy audio recorder came with one of those black furry microphone covers that instantly make your setup look more professional. That got the wheels turning.
And as you can tell from reading the words you're reading right now, they haven’t stopped turning since.
So in many ways, this first podcast episode of ParentSounds is a manifestation of the same creative puppy energy that inspired me to start ParentSounds in the first place.
And as for the time it took me to make it? That's the other side of parenthood talking, the one where if you want to stay up late recording endless voiceover takes and learning to edit audio on the fly, you will pay dearly for it on multiple next days.
I'm going to leave it there and let our amazing guests Maria Silvano and Cosimo Miorelli introduce themselves this week.
I would recommend listening to the full podcast audio if you can - and not just because I quite literally lost sleep making it. It's a really fun conversation and we got into a lot of topics that are central to what ParentSounds is all about.
So press play and let us know what you think. As always, you'll also find a lightly edited text version of our interview below.
ParentSounds: Tell us a bit more about who you are and what kind of creative work you do.
Cosimo Miorelli: Yes. Hi, I’m Cosimo Miorelli. I'm Italian, 37 years old this coming year. And I'm an illustrator. I also work with live painting theater productions, and I do some animation, or I should rather say “fake” animation, live-painted animation. But I draw, that's what I do for a living. And I've been living with my now wife, Maria for many years. And since 11 years we've been living in Berlin. Before that, we used to live in Venice, and we have two kids, who are six years old and two-and-a-half, almost three years old now. You never know with the second one!
Maria Silvano: You joke. But it's a problem sometimes! Hi my name is Maria Silvano, coming from Venice, and I'm a photographer. I'm working as a photographer since a long while now. I'm doing event photography and portrait photography. And since I will say three years now I try to focus more on family photography. I'm also working with experimental photography, giving workshops about embroidery photography and experimental photography in general. I will say it's always complicated to present yourself. It’s like what am I? And many other things…
PS: You're the first couple we've interviewed together for ParentSounds. What's it like both being creative freelancers while also being parents together?
CM: It's a challenge for sure, and it all boils down to time and to the private time and professional time that we each give to each other. And this is, I would say, the main issue that we have to face, how much time we each have to dedicate to our work and also to ourselves, as non-working beings.
It's a matter of organization. We learned – I learned – from Maria who's way better than I am at this, to organize our life. Before we were much less organized and much less planned. Many less calendars and shared calendars and all of that. And we realized how crucial that is to have a life that runs more or less smoothly. To know in advance that next week, I'm gonna be picking up the kids on this and this day. So that’s the balance we are looking to find, and which I think we are somehow achieving.
MS: One of the main changes is about being spontaneous. When we came to Berlin, we were really like free artists and we decided for this place to have enough space for our mind to grow and to find the right situation. And I will say that something we have learned with a second child is that we cannot live without Google Calendar!
CM: It's carving out time for yourself and trying to respect the fact that the other person, since we are both human beings with the same needs, respect the fact that the other person also needs to carve time for herself and, and in the end find agreements and exchanges and trade free evenings and so on.
MS: Time and space. One of the main problems I have now is that Cosmo has a studio and I don't, and this is something that I have to change because working from home, it's impossible for me. I always have the feeling that at this precious moment in which I finally get to a point, to an idea, there is some kind of distraction. Something happens. The washing machine goes off. There’s something that takes me out of my flow.
So yeah, I think that it's really like – a free zone is needed. A place in which you can really sit and try to peacefully develop your ideas and project. Where you know there aren’t going to be as many interruptions. And everything is already arranged and set up. You don't have to move a bunch of legos or papers.
And time-wise, I think that we increasingly became really German in this sense. We were making a lot of fun of our other friends at the beginning – the ones that were giving dinner to the kids at six and then putting them to bed early. But it’s needed. I mean, we don't have any other solution, any other option here. Send them early to bed and then we can each have some time to work in the evening. Or even just as a couple to be together.
PS: Has having kids changed the way that you each think about the "business" side of the arts?
CM: It does. It has to do with the fact of being parents and it also has to do with just the change of times and the fact that this city, like any other city probably on Earth, is becoming way more expensive than it used to be. So, uh, we both used to travel more than we do now for work. I would do live painting shows and collaborations and project development abroad and stay away for a week and then, you know, take the chance to also visit a couple of places and take a swim in the sea. Same with Maria, who loves Spain, she would go to Barcelona as often as she could. But, we now have to come to terms with the fact that then there's the other parent that has to stay home alone with two kids. And how many days do you wanna leave her, him alone with two kids? And therefore the trip has to be really worth it, also monetarily. And it has to be as concise as you can and has to pay as good as it can or at least be an investment for future collaboration that really is worth taking. And this is just one aspect of it, but of course projects that we take here also, we have to invest the limited time and energy that we have into things that are valuable. We can’t just take everything.
MS: I really think that we have to underline the fact that it's not just like having kids I think that has changed our life, but also the cost of life in Berlin because of course, I mean, we don't have all the time. We don’t have the time we had before to develop our projects and so we cannot do whatever pops into our mind. But it's really also the fact that the city has changed and so to pay your rent you have to also do other kinds of jobs that you were not doing before. And so it's not just related to kids, I will say, I dunno what you think, but for me it was really so different to the the perspective from when we moved here.
CM: We were much younger and very hungry and ready to – just to bite anything that came our way. And yeah, we were also lucky in finding a welcoming city, which is probably also what it is today. But it was particularly easier to find a cheap place to live. Like just to snow, to put it really into perspective, our first flat cost one third and the one we have now. The whole flat was 500 euros warm. And with 500 euros a month, two people working, you can really play as much as you want. You know, rent is not an issue.
MS: Another thing that changed for me is I became so much more productive since we have kids. Really, it's like – the time that I have to work, I'm really incredibly focused and this is something magical.
CM: Yeah. It might take some time. It did take some time for myself especially, and I saw Maria being quicker in picking up that this is the way it is and you have to make the best of the little time you have. I would say maybe also because she, being a mother in the first years of having a child, her energies were being drained more than mine. That's just, you know, it's a biological difference. And so she was way quicker in becoming this incredible organizing and production beast that she is today. And I was, you know, this dumb man next to her just crying in the evening because I couldn't do my little drawing. I was frustrated not bringing my projects to the end, but eventually I learned from her.
PS: Tell us more about what it's like for each of you from a practical perspective to carve out creative time for yourself in your household.
MS: So we have a very complicated calendar with different colors… but this is our way to survive really! Because once again, even with the first child, we were really more spontaneous. But that was not working with two, I would say. And so we figured out that really, we needed to get more organized. So now for example, I have the Thursday for me and Cosimo has the Friday. It means that on Thursday I'm free in the evening to do whatever I want.
CM: One thing I'm proud of myself for achieving is that I'm trying to dedicate the weekends, I mean, full weekends to family more than I used to. Because what's happened is, you know, once you start losing production time, is that everything gets squished onto Saturdays and Sundays. And I would spend my Sundays in the studio while my family was enjoying life somewhere else. And we quickly realized that this wasn't good for anyone. And I became much better at unplugging in the weekend. And making sure that I'm also enjoying life with them and being there for them.
MS: It's really funny because I mean, we are together since a very long time. And also before having kids we were really like – on fire, you know. We had a popup studio, were were making an app, and it was really cool. And now the feeling I have is that all the discussions we might have at home are just about time. It's terrible!
CM: Because what happens is that you can easily divide time between, you know, who picks them up and who brings them back. And then you have your time to be in the studio and she has her time to develop her project. But then what is left apart from this is the couple life, you know? Carrying on your, your love, your relationship with your loved one. You know, your original choice, and it can easily get slowly forgotten.
MS: Which couple life? No, I'm joking. Yeah. A funny game that we're doing sometimes is asking the other one to jump in my shoes and try to tell me what I'm doing daily. Which project am I working on now? And it was really interesting because sometimes we really lost the overview of what the other one is doing. And it was really like a very sweet and calm way to get in touch again. You know, it's like saying, yes, I'm not just doing laundry at the moment. I'm running a workshop. I have an event this weekend. I have an exhibition in July and you are working somewhere. Because in the end, we love what we are doing.
PS: How do you think about the importance of developing yourselves personally while also living your double lives as mama and papa?
CM: Like I said before, I keep reminding myself that I'm still that very same person, that very same kid. I think the fact of being an illustrator, of drawing for a living helps me stay in touch a little bit with my inner child. And maybe it's difficult if you have other work or creative outlets, but I keep nourishing that inner child inside of myself who has grown and is now more confident and has to become an example for others.
MS: I mean, once again, we became parents, but we're still the same person. So I will say that now I'm taking so much inspiration from our experience as a parent for my own work. At first doing maternity photography was a kind of art therapy. But then I figured out that by going to photograph people, taking pictures of them and this magical situation, this magical energy that you create with your subject, it's really helping you, but helping them too, you know? And so at the end, I really can like – I'm Maria the photographer, but I'm Maria the mother in this moment also.
CM: I think one interesting perspective, which also is one of the reasons we keep staying here in Berlin, is that this city is full of creative young people from all over the world, eventually having kids because of a state that supports you in having a family. It makes a difference compared especially to where we come from, which probably has changed in the last 10 years, probably more than I expect. But still, you know, it's a different culture, different society, and becoming a parent is financially and organizationally harder. There's not a strong welfare state that supports you and helps you take care of your kids, while you keep being the person you want to be.
MS: I still see myself as a human being here. And then a mother. And we have really tried to adapt to being a family as much as possible, but when it comes to our needs – we try to bring the kids to things we like to do.
PS: It’s cool how you’ve taken your creative skills and adapted it to something that I’m guessing you probably weren’t as interested in before.
MS: Yeah, exactly. I mean, family photography can be among the kitschiest things on Earth! So this was something totally new. But also for me it was really filling a kind of need too, because I found a very big gap between reality and expectation of what parenting is. I studied anthropology, so I'm always trying to get deeper inside and to have a new perspective. For me taking these pictures is really giving a sense of objectivity in the moment, but shaping it also with some kind of poetic point of view. It's my daily life.
To hear our full conversation with Maria and Cosimo, listen to the podcast episode here:
We got into more detail on all of the questions above, and went down a few more interesting rabbit holes that didn’t make it into the newsletter. Take a listen the next time you’re hanging laundry, doing the dishes, feeding your baby, or doing anything else around the house that could use a good soundtrack.
You can support Maria and Cosimo’s work by following them below on Instagram — or maybe you know someone who needs an illustrator/photographer?
Before we close, I wanted to highlight one other interesting, thought-provoking link which I enjoyed over the last few weeks. This time I'll take a break from my usual efforts to promote other Substack writers, in order to share a podcast episode that honestly blew my mind:
No Bad Ideas? (Throughline). It's not often that you listen to something that makes you reflect on your core beliefs, but for someone who spends a good deal of his spare time putting together creative material about the virtues of being creative, this one got me. Throughline is a history podcast, and this episode is about the history of the modern concept of creativity and its meaning in society. If you listen to it, you'll learn about how humans have always been creative, but the word "creativity” only entered mass consciousness in the world of consumer capitalism emerged in Western Europe and the United States after World War II. Spoiler alert? Creativity and capitalism have been best friends ever since. There's a lot of other fascinating stuff in here too, and it's not all cynical by any means. So take a listen and remember that the next time you create anything online, you're only helping the beast grow stronger (you're welcome, Substack ;-)).
That's all for this time. Thanks again for reading and see you again in two weeks!